


A Shoulder to Cry On

by Marrilyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Conversations, Crying, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, F/F, Fear, Feelings, Feels, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Promises, Psychological Trauma, Rowena Not Coping, Sobbing, Talking, Tears, Touching, Trauma, Traumatized Rowena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 14:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13572375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrilyn/pseuds/Marrilyn
Summary: To say Rowena isn't coping well with her resurrection, or rather the horrifying death it proceeded, would be an understatement. It's one thing to hear her cry. Actually seeing it is heartbreaking.





	A Shoulder to Cry On

To say Rowena wasn't coping well with her resurrection, or rather the horrifying death it proceeded, would be an understatement.

She'd all but stopped going outside. The few rare times she'd dare step foot over the doorstep, she wouldn't go further than the porch.

Every morning, after waking up, and night, before going to sleep, she would check the warding on the house.

She'd become unusually quiet; things that used to set her off now made her shut off and leave the room. She thought the thick walls and locked doors would hide it, but the unmistakable sound of her sobs would always reach your ears.

There were nights when you'd awake to her staring at the ceiling, hands tightly gripping the sheets.

Every time you'd ask her a question about her odd behavior she would either change the subject or claim that she's fine.

You, and everyone else with healthy eyes and common sense, knew she was everything but.

Still, finding her on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night gave you quite a fright. She was sitting against the wall, holding her knees to her chest and her head hanging low. The sound of her sobs pierced straight through your heart, breaking it into a thousand pieces.

You'd seen her vulnerable before. You'd seen her in pain and crying, but never before had she been like this.

It was one thing to hear her cry. Actually seeing it was heartbreaking.

"Rowena? Sweetheart?" you said gently. "What's wrong?"

She was silent for a moment, taking a few breaths. "Leave me." Her voice was cold, and if you didn't know her any better, you would have thought it emotionless. The very fact that she tried to mask it showed that she felt. She felt so much that it hurt to breathe. She felt trapped in her own skin, with no way out, and no one to help release her from the prison of pain.

Gathering up your thoughts and collecting yourself, you said, "I can't do that."

Leaving her when she was at her most vulnerable would break you. You weren't going to make the same mistake again.

"Please, leave."

This time she whimpered, like a hurt puppy, tearing at your already shattered heart. She seemed so weak, so helpless, as if the entire world's sadness gathered up within her heart, ripping it apart with every beat it took.

"Let me help."

"You can't. No one can help me," Rowena said in a small voice.

You set down next to her, shivering as your skin came in contact with cold tiles. "I can try." Cautiously, you laid a hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Why does it matter? Talking about my feelings isn't going to make this go away."

"Maybe," you allowed, "but it could be nice to let someone else know. You don't have to go through this alone. I may not be able to do much, but I can listen."

"Why do you care? Don't take this the wrong way, dear, but this is none of your business."

"Everything to do with you is my business," you told her. "Especially something like this." You moved your hand to her hair, giving it a caress. "You aren't alone in this, sweetheart. If you truly don't want to tell me anything, fine. That's your choice. But at the very least let me be here for you."

Rowena sniffled. "I'm scared, Y/N." It took a lot of her to say it out loud. "I'm scared all the time. Every wee thing reminds me of what happened. I can't go a day without flashing back to those horrible moments. I've tried everything. Spells, potions… Nothing works. Sometimes I'm good for a few days, but it always comes back."

Never, in your wildest dreams, have you thought it would be this bad. You knew she wasn't dealing well, but this…

Tears prickled at your eyes. You put all your energy into holding them back. You needed to be strong for Rowena. The last thing she needed was to think you were pitying her.

Moving closer to her, you put your arm around her shoulders. Instinctively, she leaned into you. She pressed her head into your chest, weeping into your nightshirt. You put your other hand to her hair, giving it gentle, comforting strokes.

"It's gonna be okay," you said.

"No, it's not!" she snapped. "Nothing's ever going to be okay again."

"We'll figure something out. We always do."

Rowena pulled away, locking her eyes with yours. They were swollen, their color the same red that stained her face. "Not this time." Her voice grew quieter with every word, until it finally broke into a whisper. "He's broken me, Y/N."

"He hasn't," you said. "You're traumatized. What he did to you… It'd leave a mark on anyone. But that doesn't mean you're broken. The fact that you survived makes you the opposite of broken."

You brought a hand to her cheek. Rowena leaned into your touch, lowering her gaze. If there was a way for you to transfer her pain onto you, you would have done it without hesitation. Seeing her like this was unnatural. The Rowena you knew was tough as nails, a force of nature not many could bring down.

Lucifer was one of the few who had.

"You're still a human being, Rowena," you continued, swallowing back your own tears. "You  _feel._  And right now that feeling is pain. But it doesn't have to last forever. It  _won_ _'_ _t._  Not if I can help it." You put on a small, brave smile. "We'll get through this. Okay? Just the two of us."

Rowena let out a sob. "I don't want to burden you with something I brought on myself."

"You've not a burden, and none of this is your fault. It's Lucifer's."

Rowena flinched at the mention of his name.

Gently tilting her head up to get her to look you in the eyes, you said, "I'm obviously not a therapist. I'm winging the hell out of this, but… I'll do my best for you. I can't promise I won't say or do anything stupid along the way. What I  _can_  promise is that I'll be here. No matter what happens, I'm not gonna leave you. Okay?"

Unable to keep it in anymore, you let the tears fall freely down your cheeks.

"Okay," Rowena whispered through her own tears, giving a small nod.

"I just want you to do one thing for me," you told her. She glanced up at you, curious. "Talk to me. If you need anything, tell me. If I hurt you, let me know so I don't do it again. And if you're not up to talking, say so. We can sit in silence, if that's what you want. Just don't shut me out again."

"I can do that," she said.

"Good." You smiled. "Very good."

You pulled her into another embrace. This time Rowena reciprocated, wrapping her arms around your middle.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You'd do the same for me."

"Aye, I would."

"I love you so much, Rowena."

"I love you, as well. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd survive. You  _w_ _ill_  survive. It's kinda your trademark."

She let out a light chuckle. "I suppose I've got a reputation to uphold."

"Yeah, you do."

Silence befell you for a short moment. Then Rowena spoke again.

"Can we go to bed now? I'm tired. And cold."

"Of course," you said. "Need anything? Tea? Water?"

"A glass of water would be nice."

"Coming right up."

Once she had her water, the two of you settled into bed. Rowena curled up on her side. You spooned her from behind and put a protective arm around her. You held her hand, your thumb gently stroking her fingers. She was out within minutes. You followed shortly after, pressing a kiss to her hair before closing your own eyes and departing for the world of dreams.

The road ahead of you was long, the path embroidered with monsters and thorns. But for as long as you lived, Rowena would never have to walk it alone. You would be right by her side, holding her hand and leading her through the darkness, one small step at a time.

And you wouldn't stop until you got her out.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by OswinTheStrange.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments, please. :)


End file.
